How to Conquer a Fear of Flying
Does your anxiety about flying or your child’s fear of flying keep you from taking the family vacations you want? Or make you miserable on the ones you do take? It doesn’t have to! These tips and tricks helped me overcome my fear of flying and they can help you too.
One might think that as someone who wanted to start a travel blog, I must be one of those has-it-all-together, “I’ve got this” kind of travelers.
Ummm.... well.... not so much.
Don’t get me wrong - I love the idea of jetting off to far and not-so-far places for family travel adventures and I even find I usually really enjoy time on the plane. (When else do you have such a great excuse to let the kids plug into a device for a bit while you read a book or watch that movie you’ve been wanting to see?)
Yet, I know for me, airplane travel can also be accompanied by anxiety. Something about being in a giant, metal cylinder that for scientific reasons I don’t quite understand remains suspended miles in the air can make me more than a little nervous. In fact, when I took my first flight alone in my early twenties I remember telling my mother that I was never doing that again!
Fast forward a decade or so and after starting a family, I wasn’t taking many flights alone but I still found my anxiety over flying could damper the excitement of a great trip.
Thankfully, my life’s journey has resulted in master’s degrees in counseling and social work. What I learned in those two programs, combined with what I’ve learned in life, has helped me find a few tips and tricks for melting away some of those flying jitters. Even though you still might see me white-knuckling it just a little during bad turbulence, my flying fear and anxiety has definitely improved.
Here’s what I’ve learned that has helped me ... and what I hope will help you or your child too.
Be aware of stressors prior to your flight and try to limit them.
Conquering flight anxiety begins well before you board the plane. Your pre-flight experience can help, or hurt, how you feel while flying.
Between organizing the logistics involved in planning a trip for my family, worrying about how the kids are going to be entertained during the plane ride, and thinking about the rest of the items on the long list of things involved in getting ready for a trip, my tension level can start to rise before we’re even close to actually leaving the house. I noticed I was often stressed out before I arrived at the airport. But not because of being nervous about the flight. It was rather because of the rushing and worrying I was doing about preparing for the trip.
I learned to start doing little things that can make a difference in limiting stressors before my trip begins. Starting to pack for my trip a little early, not overbooking my day, and doing something for a least a few minutes that I find relaxing the day before a trip are all things that can go a long way in making sure I’m not fighting anxiety early in the travel game.
You can do the same. Start getting things ready for your trip a little earlier than you normally do. Recognize ways to keep your pre-flight day as calm as possible. And don’t overfill your to-do list the day before you leave.
if your child has flight anxiety, help him or her to limit pre-flight stress in similar ways. Kid’s schedules can be jammed pack and that same sense of stress that we feel when we’re bombarded with lots to do can be the exact thing kid’s feel too.
Limit caffeine on the day of the trip.
Rethink filling that coffee mug on the morning of your flight. It may add to the nervousness you’re feeling.
Fellow coffee fans, just stick with me here because I get you. I LOVE the smell and taste of coffee and the feeling of a warm mug in my hand. For people like me it’s practically sinful to suggest you begin your day without coffee.
I won’t go that far, but I will gently suggest that you think about switching to decaf, skip that second cup on the day of a flight, or avoid other sources of caffeine, depending on your personal caffeine tolerance. Limiting your child’s caffeine on a flying day can help keep his or her jittery nerves calm too.
Caffeine is a stimulant and can initiate the same feeling of anxiety as experiencing a frightening event. The whole idea is to disassociate flying with fear, making it important to avoid too much caffeine prior to flights.
Identify the thoughts associated with the feelings you’re having.
That anxiousness didn’t just appear on its own. It had a little help from that mind of yours.
If I were making a list of the top 10 things I’ve learned in my lifetime, this would definitely be on the list:
YOUR THOUGHTS CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS.
We might often think some ‘thing’ causes us to feel a certain way. Things (or for that matter situations, people, places, etc.) cannot inherently cause us to feel a certain way. Rather, what we think about a person, place, situation, or thing then triggers our emotion.
I know - pretty deep... but important in understanding your or your child’s flying fear and anxiety.
What are your thoughts, or the narrative in your mind, that are influencing how you feel about flying? Are you telling yourself flying is not safe? Wondering if every unfamiliar sound is surely something dangerous? Or imagining there’s some reason the flight you’re on is destined for some catastrophic event?
Change your narrative to calming, reassuring thoughts that you say over and over to yourself. Even if you don’t initially believe what you’re telling yourself, the thoughts will often begin to take root to affect the emotions you’re feeling.
This can be equally as important if your child’s anxiety is the issue. Kids may have illogical thoughts about flying that they may or may not have the language to articulate. Helping them identify those thoughts can be huge in helping them address their fears.
And the absence of negative thoughts will have a huge effect in not allowing anxiety to continue to fester.
Know the statistics.
A big part of controlling your thoughts is basing them in facts and positive perceptions. Facts about flying are probably way more reassuring than you may realize.
Statistically speaking, flying is safer than many things you do throughout any given week. You are far more likely to be injured or die from many things that are seemingly harmless than you are from an airplane accident. Falling out of bed? Way more dangerous. Death by lightening? Much more common than death via airplane crashes. Drowning in your bath-tub? Yep, you’re significantly more likely to die from that than from an airplane crash too.
Ready to ban bathing or make the entire family sleep on the floor? Probably not. Instead, recognize that although many people share a fear of flying, that fear isn’t necessarily based in a realistic assessment of the danger of taking to the skies. Remembering that flying is an extremely safe mode of transportation is important in taking the wind out of the sails of your fears and helping to debunk the thoughts that are causing the feeling of fear. Educating your anxious child about the safety of flying can do the same for them.
Recognize that your flying fear and anxiety may be about a feeling of not being in control.
Hello, my fellow control freaks out there. This one’s for you! Letting go of the reigns just a bit might be key in easing those flying fears.
Now that you’ve mastered learning that your thoughts control your feelings (assuming that you are much less thick-headed than me and not still needing to be reminded of this for about 20 years before it starts to sink in), it’s time to delve a little deeper into that idea.
Especially as moms and dads, we’re in charge of keeping our children safe. Whose job is it to toddler-proof our homes when the kids are little? Teach them to be cautious of strangers when they’re a little older? Or even learn the pitfalls of driving when they’re teens? Ours of course. And that responsibility comes with the sense that we help control their safety.
When we board a plane, we’re handing that control over to the plane’s crew. And that can feel a little scary. Identifying that feeling helped me foster positive thoughts about that aspect and therefore lessen my anxiety. I realized I was having thoughts about not being in control, rather than thoughts about the actual dangers of flying. I questioned those thoughts and realized they went against my larger belief system - my belief in God being in control and that therefore fear shouldn’t control me. When I remind myself of this, it helps lessen that anxiety that creeps up.
Stay in the moment.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is still unknown. Today is the only real reality and the ability to be truly present in it is one of our most powerful tools.
Here’s another top 10 life lesson - staying in the moment is crucial... paramount... monumental in not only lessening anxiety but also in experiencing greater joy in life. Many psychology and counseling theories are built around this one principal.
I realized much of my flying fear and anxiety was based in me not being mindful of what was happening in the present. Rather, my mind wondering to an aircraft accident that I had heard about (a past event) or something that might happen at a given point later in the flight (a future event). Being mindful is so important that if we were actually able to completely achieve it, not only would it lessen anxiety but it would actually make it impossible to be anxious about something that isn’t happening at that very moment.
Worry is, by definition, not staying in the moment.
Granted, as human beings it’s normal and can sometimes be beneficial to learn from our past by thinking about things that have already occurred or make plans and preparations for the immediate or long-term future. But gently bringing the mind back to a place of here and now can greatly reduce anxiety.
Kids are sometimes better at this one than adults. Yet they still may need help staying in the moment by being engaged to lessen their flight anxiety.
Keep entertained.
Worry requires focus. So turn that focus to something else fun and entertaining.
Distracting your mind is a great tool. The airlines are usually your friend in this department. Most airlines offer in-flight entertainment. Bringing your own too is of course a great idea.
Books, movies, magazines - bring your favorite so you’ll feel comfortable and entertained. Making sure kids have their flight entertainment packed for a trip is always at the top of my list before getting out the door for a flight.
Seek help for your flying fear and anxiety.
You are not alone in your fear and anxiety. The self help shelves of book stores and patient loads of therapists are full for a reason! There ae lots of tools available to help with flying anxiety.
When all else fails (or even if it’s starting to work), remember that you don’t have to suffer through anxiety alone. If you need additional help working through flight anxiety there are multiple levels of resources.
These are the tips that worked for me but everyone is different. Do a google search of other tips if these don’t work for you. Or try a book on flying anxiety. Two great ones are “Flying Without Fear” and “Fear of Flying Workbook: Overcome Anticipatory Anxiety and Develop Skills for Flying with Confidence.” Online support groups or in-person therapy are great tools as well. If you think speaking with someone one-on-one is best, your primary care physician is a first-line resource if you want to speak with someone one-on-one about your anxiety.
Remember that fear does not define you. Conquer those fears and start taking the trips you desire. Go... see... do... LEARN.
